Well.. its been a long freakin time since i wrote the ramblings that run through my mind. i thought it high time to though.
I sit here and look at the things in my life and wonder where the path of change intervined and ran me off course. Things seemd wonderful, carefree, i looked forward to sitting at the comp and chatting with ppl that calmed me, made me laff and woke up that sleepy side of my self that i tucked away. Now i sit and wonder where they are and what they are doing. I am reminded of why i dont let people that close to me. why i dont let them see that locked and vunerable place in my soul. cause eventually they leave. maybe i had a hand in it. maybe i pushed them away. almost certain acctually. anyone that knows me though.. even a little.. knows i try to be true and try to be as indipentant as possible. its hard, with being a single mom of two kids.. it has ups and it has downs. but i never leaned on someone for total financial dependace. Im not a leech.. and i certainly am no lier. so when those words came out of a once dear freinds mouth with no explanation for back up proof of the claim... i shut them out of my life. dont need someone to pull strings and to judge that they dont know.
Besides that there are the grubbing skanks in chat that make me want to puke and spit at their feet. They allow surface realities to get in their way. not caring what lays benieth. those pl ae the ones i try to avoid. They mean nothing to me, specially when they spout off things like "Hello mss drama" for no reason. Think about it this way bitch... are you not infact cause and stirring up shit with just a emark such as that? you are not worth the ixils that are on your computer really. just irks me that 99% of ppl choose to listen to skanks like them instead of going to the person and talking to them. eh..~shrugs~ what ever right?
Moving forward. Ya know.. alotof ppl have been changing... some for better.. most for worse. and i for one am looking forward to going back to work so i dont have to see the down fall into the darkness that is ther souls. Many ppl wonder why i dont really return a IM or anything... honestly im losing faith in humanity, in the fact that as creatures that is supposed to be supieror on the planet that most still act like cave men... or women. These are not the dark ages, they are upposed to be the light.. to sand on the precispase of humanity and wonder... no.. not wonder but to act to make things better in this world. instead we have high rise bi business with a stangle hold on the economy. Polotics clouding visions of fact and reality. Who really cares what he said.. or she said? it will all be over in the blink of an eye when the time comes. nothing will matter anymore.
The only light spots that i have in my life are my kids.. and the overwhelming love that grows for them everyday, and someone that in my life is meaning more and more to me every day.
who knows
someday